Save Jones Hall!!!

Hey all. As I was wandering the internet looking for anything to avoid doing actual work, I ran across a story from my very own alma mater. The article from our intrepid Eastern Echo discussed the boring hike of room and board fees for Eastern Michigan University, the Harvard of umm....well eastern Michigan. I didn't really care since I no longer go there and it has no effect on me at all. But down the page I did see something that very much concerned me.
It seems that the University, in its infinite wisdom, has approved the "indefinite shutdown" of Jones Hall...my very own dorm where I spent three years of my life drinking and studying and drinking and making friends and drinking...did I mention drinking? They closed my home away from home of three years!!! I am outraged! I had no idea that this happened...this was even an old story, so Jones may have been closed for awhile now. Here's what the article said...
The Board also approved the indefinite shutdown of Jones Hall, which will be
offline until further notice, Vick said.
"That is our least popular residence hall with community bathrooms and probably
most in need of repairs," Vick said.
Whether Jones Hall will ever come back into use remains unclear. Regent Jan
Brandon said she didn't have a good experience with Jones Hall when she lived
there as a student.
"I'd like to be the first to make a donation to the Jones Hall demolition fund,"
she said, prompting laughter from the crowd.
What the hell?! Eastern is shutting down the place where I spent the best years of my life and some old white bitch decides to make light of it!
Now I'll admit that it was a very old building (so of course lets demolish one of the few buildings on campus that isn't shiny, new and ugly...heathens) and there were rumors of Jones impending demise before I even got there seven years ago. But it really wasn't in that bad of shape....even after my friends and I got through with it (though it may still reek of rotting eggs and suffer from irreparable duct tape damage). And I actually learned to appreciate the community bathroom experience (did that sound kinda gay to anyone else?)
They cannot be allowed to do this!! Eastern must face the wrath of alumni with a fond place in their hearts for venerable Jones Hall. My friends, especially those of us with degrees from Eastern, we should immediately start a letter writing campaign or make phone calls or appeal the decision to every uppity university official....do anything we can do in order to save our beloved Jones Hall!!!!

.....or....we should just go there and make sure we steal a bunch of shit before they tear the dump down. That Jones Hall sign at the front of the building would sure look good nailed to Chach's wall for poker nights. later!

early trouble in Cubdom

*****Cubs Rant Alert, Cubs Rant Alert*****

Hey all. Well with spring training almost over and less than two weeks to go until Opening Day (my favorite holiday!) most baseball fans' thoughts turn to hope and optimism for the coming season. And then there are Cub fans....
You see Cub fans have an impressive, if albeit annoying, talent to panic and become despondent at the first, even small, sign of trouble ahead. And while everyone might just want to say "shut the hell up, the season hasn't even STARTED yet!"...and that's a valid point....its just our way. And maybe you would be too if your team had gone almost a century since last reaching its sport's pinnacle.
The early cause for alarm and reason to hide your loved one-Cubs fan's razor blades and/or prescription drugs is the health of the Cubs pitching staff. First strike-out machine Kerry Wood was sidelined with shoulder pain. Then young flame-throwing Mark Prior was benched with soreness and tightness in his pitching elbow (the same elbow that caused him to miss much of the start of last season). These two injuries alone are enough to send Wrigleyville into one giant, horrific mass suicide ritual. The Cubs will only go as far as Wood and Prior take them.
Now I will agree with those who will say "well what about 16 game winner Carlos Zambrano or future Hall-of-Famer Greg Maddux?" And that's a good point. Zambrano might be fairly called the real ace of the Cubs staff with what he did last season. And Maddux will be good for 15 wins...like he is every season. And the Cubs managed to make it far into the wild card chase without the services of aces Prior and Wood for much of the season....well until they folded like a cheap tent down the stretch. And were so childish about it they couldn't take even a dose of criticism from their always loyal tv announcers Chip Caray and Steve Stone...who I loved and were one of the main reasons I am a Cubs fan today (sorry, that's another rant for another day).
Ok..now the voice of reason and rationalism will peek through the mind of this hopeless Cubs fan. Wood and Prior are expected to be fine...even though you'd never know it watching ESPN or reading the Chicago papers. Wood should pitch tomorrow and be ready for the home opener at Wrigley. Prior should be right behind him in recovery and that first home series. I'm not really worried about them (though the Cubs basically lied about the extent of Prior's injury last year) But I think they'll be fine and I expect each to win between 16-20 games...they need to if there's any chance of beating those goddamn, bird fuckers in St. Louis.
My real concern is the recent injury to the Cubs expected closer Joe Borowski. He broke his pitching hand in game this week and is expected to miss 6 weeks (which means 10). Now the Cubs shaky at best bullpen is in total disarray...again. And all because the Cubs front office didn't go after a proven closer in the offseason. Now everyone has to switch spots and LaTroy Hawkins will have to close even though he's a much better set-up man. And that messes up the entire pitching staff, including the fifth starting spot which might have to go to awful Sergio Mitre.
But beyond the mess that Borowski's injury creates, this is a very disheartening story. Joe Borowski is a kind of blue collar baseball player that you just have to root for. He doesn't have great stuff like the rest of the Cubs staff. He bounced around baseball for years (the Cubs found him pitching in Mexico) until he came to Chicago and out of the blue (forgive the pun) closed 33 games for the NL Central Champs...one the of main reasons for the Cubs getting to within 5 outs of the World Series (sorry...was about to rant about that) It was a great story but it got even better. He was injured last year...he started the season but he had completely lost his fastball and couldn't get guys out. Then he missed the rest of the season. He rehabbed all winter, saying all the right things about just getting back and holding out hope. He got back into shape this spring and was pitching unbelievably. The Cubs coaches couldn't believe what they were seeing. His teammates including his rivals for the closer job were openly rooting for him to get it back. He pitched great in all the games...and then it was all over again. Now back to rehabbing...and after momentarily seeming to be downtrodden about his latest setback, he bounced back into saying all the right things.
And that bitter-sweet setback...more than the trouble it causes is why Cub fans in Chicago..and Northwest Ohio are on suicide watch in late March instead of when they normally should in late April. Well that and the prospect of Prior and Wood spending the summer watching the day games at Wrigley instead of playing in them. later!

anti-motivation

Hey all. So I decided that I needed to kickstart myself on my thesis again...obviously as EVERYONE who knows me can attest. Jen tried valiantly to provide rational ideas on how to motivate myself to finish. And of course they won't work for me...since I'm rarely rational. So what I came up with is to read a recent biography of George Washington that I picked up at the bookstore awhile back. I thought that if I just started reading about the man's life and accomplishments I would become more passionate about finishing up my research and writing. And reading another scholar's ideas about GW might give me a spark on my own work. So went the theory....
And then I started reading the preface of Joseph Ellis' His Excellency: George Washington. (that's like the author's introduction for those of you who don't actually own a book) The author, who was a college professor before a little trouble lying about his military background got him "extended leave", discussed the current image of GW in college academia. He notes that the current culturally obsessed academic climate makes him at best irrelevant, at worst some kind of villainous figure. And the bad part is I know this is to a large extent true. The study of important men in history is not at all in vogue with historians now. Scholars see Washington as "complicitous in creating a nation that was imperialistic, racist, elitist, and patriarchal." Which is bad enough when you're writing a master's thesis on the man. But here was the truly damning, depressing statement. "While there are some important exceptions to the rule, the reigning orthodoxy in the academy (academia) regards Washington as either a taboo or an inappropriate subject, and any aspiring doctoral candidate (I'll assume MA candidate too) who declares an interest in, say, Washington's career as commander in chief, or president, has inadvertently confessed intellectual bankruptcy.(my highlights)
Umm...wow....well that kind of backfired, huh? So much for getting my motivation this way. Well, back to the old drawing board I suppose. later!

my traveling birthday log

Hey all! Jen and I just got back from an awesome weekend in the Windy City. Love that damn city. It was about the best birthday present anyone has ever given me. We saw a ton of museums (some of them very quickly), ate at as many places as we could fit in, and did the necessary Michigan Ave. shopping. It was an amazing trip, with lots of fun and quirky things thrown in for good measure. The rest of this post will consist of a kind of travel log of my weekend in Chicago...more for me than anyone else I suppose. This damn thing has taken me three days to finish, so its going on here! I know no one really else really cares and if it seems like I'm rubbing it in, believe me that's not what I'm intending to do. I just want a record of everything I did...and if any of my friends who read this are interested in some place I went or did...well then, I expect money from the Chicago Board of Tourism.

Friday March 4: left Toledo around 9am, which was only an hour after we intended. Not bad. Traffic was light and Jen drives like a maniac, so we made it to Chicago around 11:30 local time. I was navigating and I EASILY got us to our destination of the Shedd Aquarium and Field Museum without any trouble, even though the yahoo directions she provided quickly proved to be worthless. (more on her faulty maps and a defense of my navigational skills later)
We spent a few hours at the Shedd Aquarium which is a very cool place. Maybe the best museum we went to while we were there. Especially the dolphin show in the simulated Pacific Northwest coast with a giant glass wall that makes it look like the tank is part of Lake Michigan. Too many damn children but I guess that's the price you pay for going to that kind of museum....thought apparently no one in Illinois goes to school on fridays.
Next it was off to the Field Museum of Natural History right next door. This was kind of a disappointment to be honest. I was there about six years ago and basically nothing had changed at all. Same damn crusty exhibits and the only cool things seemed to be a special exhibit about Jackie Kennedy's clothes (an extra $30 to see) and the hall of dinosaur bones (which was closed!) The first of many things randomly closed in March in Chicago. All in all...kind of boring. Though we did get to make a red plastic T-Rex in one of those old machines with the clear bubble where you watch it smash it together. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're too young.
At this point neither of us could actually walk, so we stumbled to the car and prepared for what Jen's yahoo directions said would take 4 mins. 4 minutes!! It took a damn hour because YAHOO IS FUCKING RETARDED and Chicago NEEDS TO POST A FUCKING STREET SIGN OR TWO!!!!! We went from Lake Shore and found Wacker Ave. where our hotel was easily enough...but apparently Wacker has TWO LEVELS!! There is the upper surface level which is where you actually get to things (where the hotel was) and there's a lower level for through traffic (where we actually went). This is the point where Jen will try to claim that I'm an awful navigator but she brought atleast 5 maps of Chicago with her and they were all completely useless. They said nothing about two level streets! So what was I to do? All I have to say is that we found the place....so I must not be that horrible at it.
The hotel was amazing! Its called Hotel 71, its a hip, trendy place that is very modern in its decor. Our room was on the 37th floor and had the most amazing view of Chicago that you could possibly imagine. You'd have to see it to believe it, but the view was down the river in the heart of the city. The Wrigley Building and Tribune Tower were just off to the right. I snapped some pictures out of the window....if they turn out I'll show you if you want!
We ended the day by going to a landmark Chicago restaurant that I had never been to before, the Berghoff. We had a funny moment trying to get there when we got in the cab and the Arab cabbie asked where we wanted and then asked what streets the place was on. Jen got visibly upset...it was funny. YOU'RE A DAMN CAB DRIVER!!! You should probably know where the damn tourist spots are...this place was featured prominently in every tour book I looked at. But it was a very good, very German meal with decent enough (since I drank three) beer. I would recommend it.

Saturday March 5: We began a very busy day by walking down Michigan Ave. (away from the shopping...though I couldn't avoid it all day) and to the Art Institute of Chicago museum. This was one of the most impressive places I've ever been to. The place was ENORMOUS...there were points where I thought it actually stretched on forever and we'd never see the light of day again. I don't know how many art fans read this blog (if anyone does) but if you're in Chicago, check it out. I had never seen it before and I think I'll have to go everytime. Now I'm from Toledo and I am pretty damn proud of my hometown Art Museum (and with good reason, its top 10 in the U.S. and probably top 20 in the world) but you could fit eight Toledo Museum of Art's in this place. And the collection was very impressive, with alot of famous paintings that even my friends would recognize. :-) But the most famous and the one I was looking forward to, American Gothic (the one with the old farmers and the pitchforks, guys) was closed along with other famous American works (the picture of the people eating at the diner). More of Chicago randomly closed in early March. All in all though, I was completely floored with this excellent museum...well except for the worst rice crispie treat I've ever eaten.
Ok...relax any ladies reading this...this is where the famous (or infamous) Chicago shopping happened. We walked back to the other side of Michigan Ave. or the Magnificent Mile as it is usually called. Whoa...that is maybe the only time in recorded history that the words "magnificent" and "Michigan" have appeared together. Now I'm not going to claim that I was dragged to shopping against my will and that I hated every minute of it...anyone who knows me knows I have this questionable like (not love!) for shopping. Probably one reason the guys might question a certain orientation. Anyway...we walked a couple miles and looked into a lot of places but it wasn't that bad actually. I pictured myself walking back loaded up with Jen's bags like a pack mule. But we had enough after a few hours and decided to recover at the hotel. Don't worry though, I didn't go all the way to Chicago and not buy a Cubs shirt.
Next it was off to what I might have been looking forward to the most, dinner at Harry Caray's restaurant. It was owned and named for the Cubs legendary and permanently drunk broadcaster. Brandon and I checked it out over the summer when we went to Wrigley. It looked like a very cool and popular place. I was very disappointed in the place. We were seated in this long room packed with drunk tourists (like us). It was hot and crowded and difficult to hear anything. And they didn't have much beyond Bud on tap (Harry Caray was a huge Budweiser shill) and that is an instant strike against it. We both got steak which is what they claim to be known for, they even brought out a tray of the different kinds of cuts you could get and explained them. When they came out, though they were DRIPPING with blood and the plate was covered. Now I don't mind a little blood, and I ordered it medium but I had to literally hold a piece up and drip the blood off of it. It was disgusting. And the damn meal cost me $100 with tip, and that was with only one drink each, no appetizers, no salads and no desserts. Then instead of leaving like we should have we decided to go to the bar in the place where we got maybe the worst waitress I've ever seen. She was awful...and not hot enough to make me not care about that. A very bad meal, a bitter disappointment. We returned to the hotel in defeat. Damn you, you dead drunk loudmouth...make a better place next time! "Cubs Win, Cubs Win!"

Sunday March 6 (my 27th Birthday): The next day we got up and eventually checked out of the hotel, decided to avenge our horrible dinner with the best deep dish pizza in Chicago, perhaps the world...Gino's East. It was excellent pizza but I'm afraid I don't like deep dish as much as I should. But very very good. The drive to the place was again a difficult one. This time I had no trouble navigating to the restaurant...our problem this time was that Jen managed to merge onto the Dan Ryan Expressway as we were looking for parking. Oh sure..she'll claim that she couldn't get over and then try to blame me somehow. Anyway..we managed to stumble across a road that took us back downtown and I ONCE AGAIN got us back to Gino's and to a parking garage we saw. Now the garage claimed to be only $10...on the way out it had magically turned into $19. The worst part is that Gino's had valet parking for $7...oh well.
Now it was off to see what I think Jen was looking forward to the most, the Museum of Science and Industry. This is a very fun and hands on science exhibit that always has tons of things to see and due, and actually rotates exhibits unlike some other museums. After a little problem going the wrong way on Lake Shore Drive (the maps were again wrong as I found what should have been the right way!) and with parking we made it...just to see a sign that stated that the Museum would be closing at 4pm that day...we pulled into the garage at 3pm. Oops...at this point we were stuck, we couldn't get out of the garage with cars behind us and we had paid for the museum already, so we ate the $12 hoping that it would really be open later than that. It wasn't. There were tons of people in line to get tickets with less than an hour before it was supposed to close. This was against what all the tour books said and obviously was a shock to all the pissed off people who were forced to pay for parking and then admission. Though now as I look at the website it claims to be only open until 4 everyday...from Jan 3-March 20. What a friggin random posting of hours. Do they just not want tourists to come to the city in March?!! What the hell?!! They close things randomly early and then have entire crucial exhibits closed!! hmm...anyway....so we had about 45 mins to see a huge three level museum with lots of reading and interactive displays. Needless to say we did neither. We speedwalked (sometimes a slow run) through the entire place and looked at everything quickly...it was friggin hilarious. We laughed as we ran through people and didn't learn a single damn thing. We saw the whole place in about 25 mins before they started turning the lights off...the whole thing except my favorite part..a World War II German submarine that you can walk through....WHICH WAS CLOSED!!!!!!!!!!! We did see the world's biggest dollhouse...I'm assuming.
We had to wait in the parking garage for about 45 mins though...since everyone in the damn museum had to leave at the same time.
So that was basically it. We got back to Toledo around 10. It really was a great trip..bad maps, closed exhibits and all. I know this has been the longest, most boring post in modern history and no one (not even the girl who was there) is still reading it..but oh well. :-) bye!

read someone else being funnier than me

Hey all. I feel really lazy tonight after attempting actual schoolwork for awhile. So here's an update by shamelessly copying and pasting ESPN.com for a pretty funny story. Enjoy. later! (these are the first couple I liked...link's at the bottom for the whole story)



By Patrick Hruby
Special to ESPN's Page 2

"... you cannot rehash the past. If that's the case, we're going to go way back into 19th, 18th centuries in rehashing the past and we'll crush a lot of things in a lot of sports ... if you just want a lot of things out of the sports world, then we can go back into the 1800s and basically asterisk a lot of sports if that's what you choose ..."
-- Barry Bonds, speaking to his good friends in the press.

Good idea. But why stop with sports?

If VH1's "I Love the 80s/90s" programs have taught us anything -- beyond the fact that Joe E. Tata still needs work -- it's that you can always rehash the past, and for less cost than creating something new. Retro jerseys and ESPN Classic, anyone? So it's rather surprising that Bonds would suggest otherwise, almost as if he had something to hide ...

But we digress. Point is, Bonds has one thing right: There's more to yore than what's taught in history books. Go beyond the headlines, the records, and you'll discover that every great deed masks an even greater asterisk. The United States was built on slave labor. Dead voters helped elect JFK. Milli Vanilli didn't actually sing "Girl You Know It's True." And so on.

With that in mind, Page 2 looks back at some milestones in American history, asterisks 'n' all:


Columbus Reaches the New World

The deed: In 1492, Italian explorer sails the ocean blue, yadda yadda yadda. He ends up in the Americas ...

The asterisk: ... along with smallpox.


Patrick Henry's Speech

The deed: In 1775, patriot Henry implores Virginia to join the American Revolution, proclaiming, "give me liberty, or give me death!"

The asterisk: Loudest applause reserved for brewer/patriot and follow-up speaker Samuel Adams, whose remarks begin, "Revolution, schme-volution. Just give me a cold one!"


The Declaration of Independence

The deed: Founding Fathers pen nation's birth certificate in 1776, proclaiming, "all men are created equal ..."

The asterisk: ... so long as you're a white, male landowner! (Also, Founders inconsiderately neglect to include treasure map on back of document.)


The Louisiana Purchase

The deed: In 1803, United States doubles in size after giving France $15 million for almost 530 million acres of territory.

The asterisk: President Thomas Jefferson agrees to take back the guaranteed contracts of Lewis and Clark, crippling the nation's salary-cap flexibility for years to come.


The Typewriter

The deed: Christopher Latham Sholes invents a mass-produced typing machine. Among the first works produced on the new device is Mark Twain's "Adventures of Tom Sawyer."

The asterisk: Among the last works produced on a typewriter? Original treatment for "Elektra."


The Model T

The deed: In 1908, carmaker Henry Ford introduces his Model T, which ushers in the automotive age and revolutionizes industry with its efficient assembly line process.

The asterisk: Assembly-line process later copied by Jerry Bruckheimer to produce mindless summer blockbusters, me-too police procedural dramas.



For the rest of the list click here