iconic pinstripes and idiotic predictions, part 1

Writer's Note: Due to how friggin long this is actually taking I had to divide the AL and NL...I'll get to the NL..well sometime.

Sorry....this is a tad later than I intended. But something very odd and unforseen has been happening to me lately....I've been working a real person's schedule. And it's been annoying in the way of my blogging and general computering. Thankfully this week looks like the end of it, and then back to my normal, shiftless life.

And here we go! My rankings of every MLB team by the coolness of their uniform: first by divisions, and then my top 5 in all of the sport. And yes, I'm writing about attractiveness of uniforms...little girly I suppose, but hopefully offset by the fact that its a sport. I'll follow this hopefully (but probably not) original idea with my lame and useless MLB predictions for the season ahead. But just barebone predictions. For much better and funnier predictions (even if I'm not in complete agreement) check out here.

American League East

1. New York Yankees


My feelings (ie: seething hatred) for the Yankees aside, these uniforms are simply and undeniably classy. That iconic logo has been virtually unchanged since the days of Ruth and Gehrig. The road unis are as classic and understated as the road grays can get.
Best: The classic pinstripes...the way pinstripes should look, NO team does it better. And the colors are about the best around.
Worst: Can't think of a single thing....well except the guys wearing them.
Bonus points: Positive. No idiotic third uniform just to sell more jerseys. Just the home whites and the road grays...the way baseball should be.

2. Boston Red Sox


Another team that is pure class. Home and road unis unchanged for most of the 20th and 21st centuries. Great lettering of the "Red Sox" and "Boston" on both. No silly alternate jersey that I know of (though there may be a Red jersey at times, anyone?)
Best: The script of the letters on the jersey, especially the "Boston" on the road grays
Worst: Not very much, with the possible exception of not enough Red Sox players with the always classic high socks
Bonus points: Positive. The very classy lack of players names of the back of their jerseys. Might be more challenging for Boston "fans" but sure as hell looks better.

3. Baltimore Orioles


Not one of my favorites at all...but someone had to finish third behind the Yankees and Red Sox in this otherwise hideous looking division. Awful colors but atleast it's a look that hasn't been messed with much over the years. Interesting b/c it is one of the only teams (maybe the only) that doesn't use some form of a letter on its hats...main cap is just an oriole.
Best: Eh, I guess I'd say it hasn't changed much...and it should be slightly admired if only b/c it was the uni of Cal Ripken Jr.
Worst: Those not very attractive colors on anyone. Well...except Cal of course.
Bonus points: Negative. Misguided insistence on wearing ugly black alternate jerseys...and wearing them far too often. And...the more I think about it, the more the bird on the cap thing bothers me.

4. Toronto Blue Jays


Relatively newer jerseys...but I'll try not to hold that against them. The colors that Toronto uses are very cool and they have some good things going. Unfortunately, the overuse of that Blue Jays logo (some even a part of the logo itself) takes away from what could be promising unis.
Best: Excellent road jerseys with sweet colors and script of "Toronto".
Worst: The use of the blue jay at the front of the home jersey logo. Along with the annoying and artificial shortening of the team name that a couple other teams are guilty of.
Bonus points: Negative. Overuse of black alternate jerseys instead of just using the classic whites and grays that everyone should wear. Though the black does look better with Toronto's colors than most.

5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays


Simply GODAWFUL. Not much I can say positive about these crimes against baseball, worm by a team that no one would miss if it were to suddenly disappear tomorrow. The vest jersey should go away, and NOW. Looks idiotic, even the minors should do away with these. Here's hoping the rumored name change for Tampa Bay happens and soon...because this name and these uniforms are better left where they belong...in hell. Which might be near Tampa, Florida now that I think about it.
Best: Umm...wow...no idea. The road unis are not as awful as the home vests. And they have sleeves...that's ALL I have.
Worst: Everything. But especially the lack of sleeves, the colors, and the stupid shortening of the name for no reason.
Bonus points: Negative (of course). We'll just give this to the alterate jerseys they insist on wearing but really, who cares?

American League Central

1. Detroit Tigers


Simple. Timeless. Classic. These three words mark a truly great uniform and the Tigers have them in abundance. The awesome Old English "D" is pure baseball. No ugly orange alternative jersey of some kind. Simple "Detroit" script on the road unis that is one of the better looking in the game. Not much more to say other than one of my favorite uniform in sports.
Best: The Old English "D" logo. Perhaps the best logo in all of professional sports. In the MLB it is a close race between the Yankees "NY" and the "D".
Worst: Well technically there is orange in the Tigers' colors...never a good thing. But the unis do a great job limiting the orange damage.
Bonus points: Positive. The timelessness of the jersey earns extra respect, to know that Marcus Thames (yes, a former Mud Hen!) is basically wearing the same home jersey as Tai Cobb...though Cobb wouldn't have been happy about it I guess.

2. Minnesota Twins


Perhaps a distant 2nd to the Tigers but a very good showing in a very strong uniform division. Simple and tasteful home jerseys with "Twins" written on it, good use of the pinstripes. Excellent road unis also with good use of the pinstripes. The regular hat logo is a pretty cool "M" logo but that have an awesome secondary logo which I'll get to here in a second. Overall good jerseys which will look even better when this team gets their new outdoor stadium and the light of day shines on them again.
Best: The pinstriped gray road unis are very cool. Good use of the "Minnesota" script on the front. Gray pinstripes are very tricky to pull off...there have been some ugly ones, including my beloved Mud Hens. But Minnesota makes these look good.
Worst: Anotrher team that makes WAY too much use of their annoying alternate jersey, this one a navy colored job that they will wear at home and on the road. Everytime I see the Twins lately they seem to be wearing these instead of the whites and grays. For shame....you goofy speaking Minnesotians (Justin: don't tell Jane I said that!)
Bonus points: Positive. Offsetting the stupid navy jersey (well almost) is the sweet alternate logo of the Twins, an interlocking "TC" representing the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. So cool in fact that I bought a hat with the logo when I was at the Mall of America.


3. Kansas City Royals


The Kansas City Royals are finally not going to finish a distant third in the AL Central...well not in my uniform rankings anyway. You likely have forgotten what this team looks like unless you live in KC (and maybe even then) but at least losing ugly on the field doesn't have to look ugly thanks to some excellent home and road unis. Great colors, good scripts on both jerseys, a very cool logo...and (gasp!) even a alternate jersey that I don't despise.
Best: The road unis for KC are surprisingly cool with a nice script for "Kansas City" that matches the home "Royals". Of course I'm a bit biased towards blue, but the gray and blue look damn good together.
Worst: Not a whole lot except for the fact that I never get to see them b/c who would put a team as bad as the Royals on tv if they could avoid it. I could watch Royals broadcasts on my computer if I wanted...but I don't like the unis enough for all that.
Bonus points: Bonus. For the very cool crown logo on the sleeves of their uniforms which I believe is inspired by the crown on top of the Royals' scoreboard. Also for one of the VERY FEW alternate jerseys that I don't automatically hate. I was thinking it was just b/c its blue, but the Cubs's is blue and I HATE that one.


4. Cleveland Indians (vests)


Ok, could get into some serious trouble for this one if the girlfriend stumbles across it but here goes. Decent home and road unis that have good and matching scripts for the home "Indians" and road "Cleveland" (you'd be surprised at how often they don't seem to match). But the misguided (trying to be nice so I'm not cut-off forever) Indians also employ the worst logo in baseball (well there goes that) and a sleeveless number.
Best: The home whites are the best thing going for the Tribe (well, uniform wise...they have pretty nice digs) with a very nice "Indians" script. Excellent navy and red colors. They were featured in the brilliant Major League. And the Indians have been using a cool "I" alterative logo lately which I like a great deal (sense the groveling?)
Worst: And this is wear I get dumped...the worst thing about the Indians jerseys and hats is the ridiculously bad and really very offensive Chief Wahoo logo. The gf might like it, but I think it's long past time for the Indians to rid themselves of the red-faced, cartoonishly bad image of a Native American. Replace it with the "I" logo...or anything else for that matter.
Bonus points: Negative. The Indians have BOTH an alternate road (navy) and home (white and sleeveless with just the Chief Wahoo logo) jersey. NO excuse for that. They used to have a cool alternate home uni with the "I" logo on it instead of drunken smiling Indian but they must have thought it too PC.
wow...anyone got any single friends I could be set up with?

5. Chicago White Sox


I am clearly letting my bias as a Cubs fan show through, and the fact that I HATE the White Sox, but I never get excited about these unis. If they were in another uniform division they might be higher, but maybe not. I hate black. And on a baseball jersey, and especially as a baseball jersey, it looks ugly as hell. I suppose the White Sox do a fairly decent job minimizing the damage done by the black (well except for the hideous black alternate jerseys). The home jerseys are ok, though black pinstripes don't work as well as you might think. The have a pretty decent road jersey. And in fairness I should probably have them ranked higher than Cleveland and perhaps even higher than Kansas City....but did I mention that I really hate the White Sox.
Best: The road grays are not too bad (can you tell by now that I seem to be partial to road jerseys...which might explain my disgust with alterate road jerseys that way too many teams have) with a good "Chicago" script. Yeah...I think that's it.
Worst: Besides the douchebags that wear them? Not a huge fan of the black pinstripes but the obvious worst is the horrendous black alterate jerseys that the Sux....I mean Sox wear way too often.
Bonus points: Positive (I guess). Not really crazy about the interlocking "Sox" logo, but atleast it's been around for a long time (even since the Black Sox scandal!!..sorry, couldn't resist). And the white sock alternate logo doesn't suck that much.
God! Can I be done writing about the fucking White Sox now? Though I resisted taking the shot that White Sox fans can't even spell their team's nickname...oh look at that, guess I didn't!

American League West

1. Seattle Mariners


Well somebody had to finish first in the worst dressed division in baseball (followed closely by the NL East) and I guess that somebody is the Seattle Mariners. Yet another team where the road uni looks better than the home one. I actually like the Mariners' grays alot...maybe one of the better road uniforms. The home whites are ok though not at all interesting and kind of drab (not unlike the city of Seattle I'm guessing). Interesting nautical-inspired logo worn on the caps, one of the few that isn't a letter...just not sure that's a good thing.
Best: The road grays with a very nice "Seattle" script on the front. Cool use of the nautical logo on the "S" of the Seattle.
Worst: Once again a stunningly bad navy colored alternate jersey that the Mariners insist on using far, far too much. (WHEN IS THIS ALTERNATE JERSEY MADNESS GOING TO STOP!!! THERE SHOULD ONLY BE HOME WHITES AND ROAD GRAYS!!!!! GODDAMNIT!) sorry...had been holding that in for awhile.
Bonus points: Positive (but short term). Even though it's only for this season, bonus points for the cool anniversary patches featuring the Space Needle that the team has on all their jerseys.

2. Texas Rangers


My disgust for the entire state of Texas aside, these uniforms are decent enough, though about as distinctive and creative as a minor league team. Yet another one where the road uni looks cooler than the home whites but neither is bad, though nothing special either.
Best: The script on the home "Rangers" and road "Texas" is well done. And the "T" logo worn on the caps is a nice logo.
Worst: The Rangers are yet another team with TWO alternate jerseys...simply inexcusable!! The blue alternate jersey is not terrible (once again just cause I like blue) but they also have a horrible home sleeveless jersey. Only two things come from Texas...and the steers are not the ones wearing these awful things.
Bonus points: Negative. For the annoying Texas flag patch on the sleeves of these jerseys. No other team I can think of wears their state flag, so why should the Rangers, especially since they're not even the only team in Texas. Like I've said many times before, we should give Texas back to Mexico...just don't drink the water, Corey.

3. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim


Decent home and road jerseys, though nothing at all spectacular...not unlike the Anaheim organization. I was thinking of giving negative bonus points for the IDIOTIC name change of a few years back (you can't really be in two cities at once!! and your stadium is in Anaheim...so you are as well!! And as my elder brother would point out, there is only ONE team in LA, and they were blue), but since the uniform doesn't reflect a place name I couldn't.
Best: The Angel "A" logo topped with a halo which is on the hats and appears at the beginning of the "Angels" script is very cool and classic. Good for LAAAAAAA for keeping that logo in the face of stupid name changes...sorry. The logo is really the only distinctive thing about the home and road unis.
Worst: The lack of a city name of the road jersey...as far as I know the ONLY team in MLB without a city/state name of the grays. A slap in the face to the history and tradition of the game!...but, in their defense "Los Angeles of Anaheim" would look pretty damn stupid printed on the front of a jersey.
Bonus points: Positive. Very rare bonus for an alternate uni that I really like actually. Don't get me wrong, the Angels have another hideous white sleeveless job, but this red jersey is kind of retro and actually looks pretty damn good....proof that I can be openminded...well unless you're the Devil Rays.


4. Oakland Athletics


Another horrible case of the uniforms speaking for themselves...and they have absolutely nothing good to say for themselves. In Oakland's defense, nothing good can come of green and yellow as main colors (that's right, Packer fans...I said it!). But they also do NOTHING to help their cause. Fairly unoriginal and unattractive home whites and road grays. Normally I would give credit for the script on the front...but something about the "Oakland" and "Athletics" bothers me a great deal. So I have almost nothing good to say...
Best: I had to dig pretty deep for this one, but the alternate logo of an elephant balancing circus-like on a baseball is pretty awesome. No idea how an elephant got associated with the Athletics but its very old-school. There Oakland fans (if there are actually any)..something nice.
Worst: One the the worst uniforms worn by any team in professional sports and the single worst alterate jersey in baseball (and that's saying something!) is the godawful green and yellow alterate jersey worn by the A's constantly. Simply ugly and offensive...I'll move on b/c I could rage about these for hours.
Bonus points: Negative. Well I thought I was moving on, but I hate these green jerseys SO much that they get all the negative bonus points I can muster. God, Oakland! Take these damn things away and put them where they belong...in a beer softball league!!


Well there it is...the best (congrats Tigers and Yankees!) and worst (just leave baseball altogether Oakland and Tampa and take your godforsaken crimes against baseball with you!!) dressed teams in the American League. Stay tuned in the next few days for my review of the National League...you know, the league that actually still plays baseball. Sorry, couldn't resist...

Now for my lame and worthless predictions...just b/c I said I would.

AL East:
1. Boston Red Sox *division winner
2. NY Yankees (if they can actually find a starting pitcher)
3. Toronto Blue Jays
4. Baltimore Orioles
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays (serves you friggin right!)

AL Central:
1. Detroit Tigers (with Perrysburg's Own Jim Leyland..like I could pick against them) *division winner
2. Cleveland Indians *AL wild card winner
3. Minnesota Twins
4. Chicago White Sox (which hopefully ends the managerial career of Ozzie Guillen)
5. Kansas City Royals (tough I know but at least you have those cool blue duds)

AL West:
1. Anaheim Angels *division winner (just b/c those green jerseys)
2. Oakland A's
3. Texas Rangers
4. Seattle Mariners

Playoffs:
ALDS:
Detroit defeats Anaheim, 3 games to 0
Boston defeats Cleveland, 3 games to 2
ALCS:
Detroit defeats Boston, 4 games to 2


bonus baseball funny:

this from a Jayson Stark ESPN.com writing about the recent Indians "home" series at Miller Park in Milwaukee:

Oh, and don't read anything into this. But more people showed up for the Indians' first game in Milwaukee (19,031) than attended six Brewers games in Milwaukee last April. Maybe they were hoping Willie Mays Hayes would show up.