done!

For his own sake, I hope Dusty is mentally updating his resume.


After a weekend sweep of the Cubs by the Cardinals, the last 2 nights being on the last (fluke) at bats by a backup catcher (with a game winning grand slam tonight) I am officially DONE with the Chicago Cubs for the rest of this season. I am placing myself on the fan disabled list for the last 5 weeks of the season. I am not going to watch another Cubs game. I am not wearing any more Cubs shirts, hats, thongs (am I kidding or not?). I do not want to think about Dusty and his inept band of losers. I do not want to hear about them or have them even brought up in my presence (which I know is an invitation for my friends to torment me about it on purpose).

This is not to say that I am done with baseball.....of course not. It's an obsession. Especially with all these great pennant races and too close to call MVP and Cy Young races. I am simply done being a Cubs fan until catchers and pitchers report (except for Prior and Wood of course since they're no longer pitchers but actually walking vaginas).

So before I go I want to wrap up a couple things...

First of all, I want to wholeheartedly wish good luck to the Detroit Tigers and their deserving fans in their quest for a LONG overdue trip to the playoffs. I will be pulling for game one of the World Series to be played 60 miles away in Motown.

Also a less hearty good luck to my brother and dad's St. Louis Cardinals in their quest to repeat in the NL Central. I know, I know...they're the Cubs rivals but as I stated previously there are no more Cubs...and better the Cardinals than Corey's mediocre Reds.

Finally, after a season of bashing Dusty Baker and repeatedly calling for his head...if not his immediate firing, I would like to apologize to Dusty and his entire family. As I watched this team bungle play after play and watch a fucking back up catcher launch a grand slam over the ultra-skinny neck of Juan Pierre I realized this fucking joke of a team is not Dusty's fault. Even he can't believe the complete incompetence of the entire 25 man roster (and the long line of Triple-A gomers who have paraded through the rotation). So to the Cubs (specifically the all-powerful Tribune Company) I say....fire Jim Hendry for thinking this was anything more than a bad beer-league softball team, and clean house even if it means releasing everyone including the ushers and batboys. And to Dusty Baker I say..GET OUT, DUSTY!!!! Get out while you still can!!! And take Ronny Cedeno with you.



Wow...that felt SO good. This was going to be a hopefully humorous list of things I would do as MLB Commissioner, but that'll have to wait. I needed therapy. We'll see if I actually stay away from my bad Cubs habit.