IHOP on Cox

fuck Bees...
I thought it was for the customers...
This cart has less power than my mom on a Stairmaster....

just a few of the insanely funny things said during our mini-WSJP weekend in North Carolina to see Stiga. I will try to do that insanity justice with this (no way near quick) recap of the trip...(for more details see Corey's myspace blog)

Friday, April 14

-Chach, Jim and Corey met me at my house and we headed off on our long journey to Stiga's, just outside Charlotte, NC...
-my mom provided us each with squirt guns for an Easter present which we of course used on each other on the way down....well mostly Chach and Jim shooting me and Corey who kept forgetting to fill ours up
-played poker (on a table custom built for Jim's SUV) for no money and as a result played entirely insane
-learned a new car game that we played...with some interesting results. it was called Marry, Fuck, or Kill (yeah, still not sure why it has to be a kill) but you pick three people and assign them to one of those above....fairly amusing, especially when we inexplicably strayed from girls to each other and I was the unanimous choice by all to marry...not sure whether to be flattered or not
-got to Stiga's at 3:30 am, he opened the door and was immediately met with squirt gun fire...discovered that the tv was on Real Sex, he claims to have fallen asleep

Saturday, April 15

-got roped into golfing the very first day I was there...knew it! only one time my ass!....I didn't golf though, I got my own cart, didn't have to pay, more importantly didn't have to golf! all I did was drive the beer cooler around and caddy (sorta) for a score that Chach would then give me...got a great buzz and "shot" a 106 round
-we then went out to dinner to a seafood place with the guys and Chach's cute cousin Lauren. we ate, drank, oggled the waitresses and the girls next to us. Jim admitted his predilection for skinny, pale girls. I drank alot. I tried to flirt with Lauren with Chach's gangly ass sitting between us...even though I have no game anyway
-then we took a party to a kareoke bar and Corey did his usual magic (whatever else we say about the kid he is really good at it!) I was set to pop my kareoke cherry with Oasis' Wonderwall but was never called up. I drank alot.
-went back to Lauren's place for not very long...we all sang along (badly) to Wonderall...Chach helped me out with his cousin by doing nothing and looking tired...so Stiga, Corey and I went back to King's Mountain while Jim and Chach stayed there. I apparently sent a drunken text to Jim about wanting to stay there but remember none of the drive home. :-) though Chach thought she liked me but hell I can never tell.....
-without great details...got sick all over Stiga's bathroom and myself (never done that before)...had to wash his floormats off in the bathtub...Stiga's Jen will kill me at some point

Sunday, April 16

-skipped that place where people go on Easter...umm...church I think its called....instead went to a VERY cool park in Charlotte with ponds, trails, sports complex (apparently Shallow Hal was filmed there). Lauren and her friends had a potluck lunch. I had to mix cheese into a pasta salad in the back of Stiga's car while flying around turns...and NO ONE ATE IT ANYWAY!
-played frisbee and catch with Jim and Corey while Chach and Stiga played volleyball.. we then sorta watched them play but really stared at the hot girl sitting in the grass behind them
-got cleaned up and went to some chain place that served Alligator...had a creepy waiter who made us all nervous until he redeemed himself with the name and the most nonsensical directions ever to a bar (more later)...Jim and I tried to figure out if a girl sitting kinda to our left was checking us out...when I looked though she was maybe 17..oops
-now the high point of the trip...after getting lost on those directions Stiga finally found that bar and to Corey's immense pleasure they were playing karoeke...started innocently enough, just kind of a dead towney bar and Corey and Jim took turns singing...
the it turned into the weirdest place I may have ever been to. probably the most diverse bar I've ever seen. we sat next to a table of cool black girls who took a real shining to Corey and played air guitar for him while he sang. there townies, college kids, old people, punk wannabes, bandana wearing lesbians, a gay country dude, and what looked like an Asian gang. I said it was like a college bar in PCU
-I had my kareoke cherry popped...sang with Corey, Stiga and Jim to Bon Jovi
-we had a really cute, really cool waitress who sang with us and had the perfect Southern accent
-I repeatedly called for the murder of some loser with his black t-shirt tucked into his Kmart jeans who was grinding on the hottest chick in the place
-Chach was strangely drawn (well ok..we all were) to some super trashy, super slutty girl who we couldn't stop watch dance.....yes, yes lots of testosterone when we all get together
there's lots more I could say about this amazing place but I cannot do it justice...we knew sitting there that no one would believe us about this place, it was something that had to be witnessed to truly believe
-then we went to Walmart after inexplicably turning down the chance to eat at an IHOP located on Cox St....thats right IHOP on Cox
but we did go to Walmart where Corey juggled then threw oranges, Chach contemplated a jump that would have killed himself and destroyed the electronics section...and Corey got yelled at for grabbing a broom and swinging it around saying "I thought this was for customers"....he was in rare drunken form

Monday April 17

-couldn't avoid golf completely...played (very badly of course) at this fancy course....though one hole we teed off in North Carolina and hit into South Carolina...well not me cause I dribbled it off the tee.....but then the skies opened with the coldest rain I've ever felt...we hid under trees for awhile but finally made a mad cart dash for the clubhouse...I screamed that it was like a sadistic water ride....we hung out in the snack bar until the guys decided to risk the monsoon starting again and went back out..
-I stayed behind b/c....well I'm not insane and the food girl was really cute. I even tried to bring my pathetic game and I tried to chat her up about her job and cool places to hang out, but after a few two word answers and a call to her bf apparently I hung my head in shame and went outside to wait
-went to a pizza buffet and Stiga lived in constant fear of Chach all night...I won't spell out why but anyone who knows Chach will get it
-went back and played Tiger Woods golf where I beat everyone with a chick golfer (and a 27 shot handicap) I drank enough to yell suggestive things at my golfer, I got on the kind of roll that I only can with those guys...its not cool or anything but still...

Tuesday, April 18

-Chach and Jim had to fly to PA for a funeral so Corey and I had to drive Jim's SUV back to Toledo
-but Stiga first took us to a sweet Carolina rib place...very tasty and I got to drink sweet tea which I now love....Corey of course started talking to one of the girls who worked there and asked for a microphone to sing with...the girl played along and Corey asked if she would marry him....but alas he was too late
-long drive back was broken up some by Corey shooting water at a group of high school soccer chicks on a school bus...I tried to get us away but they did seem to get a kick out of it...

all in all a GREAT GREAT time with some of my favorite people in the world....thanks to Stiga and all the guys for the fun times...and my sincerest apologies to anyone actually still reading this...